Brandon Dalton

When I first heard you could drink THC, I thought they had found a way to filter bong water, which I didn’t find appealing at all. Then I learned that it actually stands for The Hangover Cure. They promise to prevent a hangover after a night of heavy drinking. All you have to do is drink their magic powder mixed into a glass of water (tap water, spring water, filtered water – any water you want. ‘Cept bong water; that’s just nasty).

So, I decided that I’d try The Hangover Cure after seeing it all over Twitter. I contacted them and they issued me a challenge: try it, see if it works. Then post on my blog the results, good or bad. I warned them that both of you, my dear readers, take my opinion very seriously. THC stood fast. The gauntlet dropped; I had no choice.

With every intention of thwarting THC’s claims, I geared up for a night of black & tans. “Farewell brave soldiers! Know that you shall not go down in vain.” But, alas! I only had 2 Guinness (for a total of 4 black & tans – not NEARLY enough to test their claims). I had to break out the big guns. “Ketel One martinis? Don’t mind if I do. Repeatedly.”

The rest of the evening is a little blurry. I do remember taking The Hangover Cure; I started to eat the powder like a pixie stick, but decided that if I choked to death, they would win. Dead men don’t hang over. So I mixed it into a glass of water (filtered from my fridge, if you must know) and drank it. I’m not going to promise you a flavor explosion, but neither do they. And it’s not by any means gross. Kinda like peppy Kool Aid.

Fade to black.

You know those days when you wake up naked and the dog won’t come near you, the neighbors give you dirty looks, parts of your body are partially shaved, and you have bruises all over that you can’t explain? Well, The Hangover Cure can’t do a darn thing about that. What it can do, however, is allow you to feel well enough to find the keys to the handcuffs, wash the honey off your junk, sniff out some quasi-clean underwear, and make the coffee (not necessarily in that order). And if it can do that when you’ve been just-plain-stupid drinking in order to prove a point, imagine how you’ll feel after a normal night out at the bar.

Well, played, The Hangover Cure. Well played.

Here I squat in my litter box
My dirty, smelly shitter box
This potty-for-a-critter box
I hope that’s sand between my toes.

When along you come creeping
All perverted and tom-peeping
With camera clicking, flashing, and beeping
What you’re up to heaven knows.

Then I find myself on facebook
That leave me in disgrace-book
The get-in-on-the-latest-meme-race book
And then you tagged all your friends.

Then you composed some poetry
Unconcerned about my woe-etry
Just so you could show-etry
That you’re up on inner-web trends.

Another freakin’ meme. Here goes:

In a hairy situation, never go down without a fight – Shaving Ryan’s Privates

Sometimes when you think you really know someone, you should take a closer look – Ordinary Peepholes

It’s not always wise to accept a ride in some guy’s hooptie. – Clitty Clitty Gang Bang

If you work hard and really put your mind to it, you can do anyone. – Debbie Does Dallas

It really is a hard knock life -Little Oral Annie

HOMONYMS are words that sound alike but have different meanings.Homophones are a type of homonym that also sound alike and have different meanings, but have different spellings.

HOMOGRAPHS are words that are spelled the same but have different meanings.Heteronyms are a type of homograph that are also spelled the same and have different meanings, but sound different.

WORDS THAT BOTH SOUND THE SAME AND ARE SPELLED THE SAME are both homonyms (same sound) and homographs (same spelling). Example: lie (untruth) and lie (prone); fair (county fair), fair (reasonable).

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the homosim.

HOMOSIMS are words that are alliteratively compatible and have the same definition, but (here’s the kicker) the definitions have different meanings.

Example:

vegetarian n. One who does not eat meat. (one who only eats vegetables)
vagitarian n. One who does not eat meat. (a lesbian)

I’m off to submit this egregious oversight to Oxford.

Waiting with baited breath = Hanging out with a mouth full of chum.